I wanted so desperately to begin today’s post with a quote. Something concise that put my emotions into a palatable order. Alas I came up only with this.

A witty saying proves nothing. 

I heard this quote some years ago. Credited to Voltaire I think it is pretty apropos actually for this season in my life. It bodes well, too, that Voltaire – a French writer and (some would say) humorist – was a bit of a historiographist who often came up with new and fresh ways to look at the past. See, that is what I do now. I find ways to look at the past and not bemoan them or allow them to haunt me but rather find new, fresh ways to look at them and the lessons I learned from them. It is those lessons that we are paying for now. In fact we pay for them with about 68% of our monthly income; divided into 4 payments to 4 different companies.

Am I making any sense? Let me try this.

Today I was sad. Yes, sad. I was looking at the calendar and thinking about our tiny house and thinking about our baby (who will be here any day now) and really just trying to figure out where the money would come to continue our pursuit of eliminating all consumer debt, keep our household running, raise a child, build a tiny house with cash, save a bit for the proverbial rainy day, and still eat. I was overwhelmed. I kept thinking, when did so much month get left after so little money?

Am I living a pipe dream? Am I trying to be too idealistic and get too much accomplished? Should I just cry UNCLE and let my twisted arm lead me to a financial lender where I can secure a loan and get a decent 1000 sq. ft. home? It isn’t my dream. It isn’t Crystal’s dream. It is the American Dream though. I mean, at the end of the day will our little efforts to be debt-free and self sustainable and free from the trapping of our world really mean a hill of beans? Help me out here. Am I missing something? am I being too hard on myself?

I’m throwing out an SOS today. I am legitimately asking to hear from you. Do you ever feel like throwing out an SOS? What keeps you pressing on? Do you ever get overwhelmed and just think about giving in?